The benefit of being on your period.

Ok, this may be the grossest thing you might ever read, like ever. Especially if you're a dude.

Ok, if you're a girl, you may think that being on your period is possibly the worst thing ever. With the stomach cramps, and the cravings for gross food that you would never eat if it wasn't for you period, your period actually has some benefactors, well one.

Besides the fact that it shows the change from a girl to a woman and gives you the chance to conceive, your period actually has some awesome benefits, ONE awesome benefit.

You see a guy in a club that has been eyeing you up all night, and you're fucking wasted, like, wasted to the point where you don't even remember your name or how you even got to club, in the first place. The guy isn't cute, but the fact that your wasted over-shadows your judgement of beauty and ugliness, so you go with this guy, to do the dirty deed of all; sex. The ultimate one night stand.

You're at his flat/house/his mother's house/friend's house/a shed, and you begin to come around and see this guy for the monstrosity that he is; one ugly mother fucker, and you think "I can't not go through with it, I'm already here", then it hits you; you're on your period.

"I can't have sex with you, I'm on my period." Now any decent guy would be like "EW, GROSS!", but the other ones that are desperate are willing to look past the fact that you have blood gushing from your vagina full of dead eggs and potential baby holders, will try to convince you that it's ok, and that he can deal with a bloody dick, but are you ok with this? Do you want blood dripping from your vagina all over the bed (not like you care) and running down the crack of your ass? No. Didn't think so.

For the ones that think it is gross, you have gotten away with your dignity still in tact and no regrets of fucking this gross guy, YIPEE, but for the ones that think it's ok to place their pork-swords into a bleeding vagina, you may need to go in for more desperate approaches.

"I have AIDS"

"I have the clap"

"I don't have a vagina"

Those are all excuses that you can use to get away from the hideousness of a mountain-sized penis in your blood-filled vagina.

Then you have the girls that are not on their period at all, but are using it as an excuse to not have sex with the guy because, well, he is fucking gross. The "I'm on my period" line, is the best line to use in this case and I think, is the best line in the world, like ever, in the world. It will never lose it's meaning, but it will never let you lose your pride and your dignity. Your period has your back.

That my friends, is the best thing about being on your period.

So guys, let this be a message to you, if you're not in a relationship with a girl or you manage to pull another and she says she is on her period, she either isn't into you and is lying, is actually on her period and thinks the idea of sex bleeding is sick, or is seeing how hard you would work to get her out of her knickers even though, she told you that she has a river of blood flowing from her snatch.

You have been warned.

Don't be left with a bloody dick.